Our Story of a Girl and her Parents

This is the story of Miss. Daughter and how she came to live with us.

TLDR;

Ryan and Sarah took in a young girl that left/kicked out of her parent’s house. A battle ensued. The parents made everything difficult through nasty text messages and refusing to let us take care of her. After a year of living with us, she left and went back to live with her parents.

This a log of the text messages between Ryan & Sarah (Us) and Mr. Father & Ms. Stepmom (Them). Their names have been replaced out of respect.

Back in April 2018 we took in a young girl whom was kicked out of her parents’ house. The reason was because she had a cell phone when she was not supposed to have one, and she would not unlock it for her parents. Fed up and feeling like they were out of options they kicked her out of the house. Threw her out might be more accurate.

She showed up at my door with no shoes on when it was 62* and raining. Way to chilly to be running around without shoes which she was not able to grab while they were pushing her out the door. We brought her in and she talked with Rylee and Jessie (Rylee’s GF and Miss. Daughter’s BFF). The original plan was that Miss. Daughter would live with Jessie’s but that quickly fell apart. After hearing that Miss. Daughter may end up in transitional housing Sarah and I quickly offered up our guest suite to Miss. Daughter.

Below are texts and email exchanges and I will do my best to keep them in chronological order but bear with me. Some have date/time and others do not. These are also copy/paste, so I am leaving grammar and spelling mistakes. I will also add notes between the messages below to give more context to the situation than the messages, if needed. Please note that we do not reply to all their messages. So look for THEM to US:  and  US to THEM:

These first messages happened after Miss. Daughter was living with us for two weeks. In hindsight I should have reached out to the parents before then, but I also knew that they knew where she was.

Her parent’s names were changed to Mr. Father and Ms. Stepmom so I will try to use “Us” when referring to Sarah and me to avoid confusion, but I suspect the messages below will probably be messy and confusing, but I tried to paste them in the correct order without giving away any identifiable information. They did not afford us much respect, but that doesn't mean I should not respect their privacy.

THEM to US:

I think the 1st thing I should let you know is my husband and my intentions are to find out if you're REALLY dedicated to take on the financial and legal responsibility of Miss. Daughter? And if so, than are you talking indefinitely or temporarily? The counselor and social worker at school and I had her all set up to go to a transitional living program to where she could learn how to become independent. It is very needed due to Miss. Daughter' mental health and maturity issues. And she told the school personnel that she wasn't going anymore because you guys were going to allow her to live there indefinitely. If that's the truth than are you willing to sign a notarized document stating that you are taking on the responsibility of her???

I hope you understand that there's 2 sides to this story. We have a house full of 4 teenagers and they are very well taken care of, loved, not abused, nor neglected! Miss. Daughter was in her situation because of extremely bad decisions that she has continuously made over the last 4-5 years. The night she left, she was given the option to follow our rules or leave and she CHOSE to leave...

I'm sure you've noticed she's extremely well mannered and has been taken care of just fine. She's been refusing to abide by our rules for a long time and she has been wanting to leave Home for a long time because of our rules and expectations. She needs to be somewhere that has expectations for her and is willing to show her tough love and teach her what being an adult looks like since she has chosen to leave her home. I NEED to know that you and your family are willing to take that task on since you guys don't think she needs the transitional living program. I hope that you've noticed that you're not dealing with a "typical" 17 year old girl that just wants to have her cake and eat it too but instead a very immature, naive, vulnerable girl that has the maturity level of about a 10-12 year old.

We can call around 11 on Saturday. Will you and your husband be available to

**NOTE**

This message introduces a new character named John. John works with the Department of Family services – Child Division. His goal was just to be sure Miss. Daughter was safe. He did attempt to mediate a meeting that never happened, but really his job is not to make us play nice, but to be sure Miss. Daughter is in a safe place.

US to THEM:

This is Ryan Younker. I started a group text with you, me, and my wife.

Ms. Stepmom / Mr. Father
I read the text(s) that you sent to my Wife, Sarah. I am glad that you and Mr. Father finally reached out. If you have specific questions you can send them to me and I will try to answer as best as I can. I am glad to hear your side of the story. You were right, it was a big missing piece. As for your agenda to get us to sign something/anything that is just not going to happen.

I will address the Transitional Housing since you brought it up, but as far as my opinion on the whole situation and how it came to be, I think we should just keep that to ourselves. Nothing will come of it except anger & frustration. Both of which I try to keep out of my life. It happened. It’s over. So the only thing to do is to get through it. As someone whom was estranged from his Mother before she died, my objective here is to make sure this ends with you and Mr. Father’s relationship mended with Miss. Daughter. That probably won’t happen tomorrow, but it’s the goal.

When Miss. Daughter told us that the school social worker wanted to get her into transitional housing (I had no idea you were involved with that) I was shocked. Transitional Housing is no place for a young woman, or man for that matter. Certainly not a seventeen year old girl. The transitional housing could be or possibly would be full of recovering drug addicts and parolees. I can’t imagine that environment would be better than what she could have in our empty guest suite.

As far as meeting up I think we should do that at your home with Myself, my Wife, Miss. Daughter and (optional) John from CPS. I would love to come over and let Miss. Daughter get her things, if you would allow her. I would also appreciate if she could have the cell phone that she was using previously. Hopefully the school social worker can help her get a free cellular & data account, or we will activate it for her under our plan. That is, assuming you would not continue to pay for it.

Please let us know when we can come over to collect Miss. Daughter’ things that you say she can have. We will try our best to make the situation pleasant and keep the awkwardness to a minimum. Will you be home Sunday for Mother’s day?

Warmest Regards

-Ryan & Sarah

THEM to US:

I'm going to add my husband to this text...it sounds like there's quite a bit missing from the story. John, specifically told Miss. Daughter, that SHE needed to come her belongings since she made the decision to leave and she needs to start doing adult things since she decided to make an adult decision and leave her home.
That phone was not a phone that we provided and she was not allowed to have a phone because of legal and safety issues. If you want to know the details of that I can explain. .but it is a HUGE legal and safety issue allowing her to be on social media and have a phone. That was not her phone or one that we had provided.
As far as TLP...I get it! I grew up in the system but Miss. Daughter has a very normal home that she chose to leave and at this point the options are a TLP, which is what the people at school, who have known her for a long time and my husband and I both feel is what she needs before experiencing the real world.
We are not going to still be financially or legally responsible for her at your house just because she didn't want to follow our rules.
I won't go into details but she has some mental health issues that make her not have the maturity or mind set of a 17 year old. So if your plans are to not become responsible for her, than what are they? How long are you allowing her to live there? And what are your plans to get her the help that she needs! At some point, rather it be now while she still has people to help her or later down the road, Miss. Daughter is going to need help. How that will look...I don't know! But for now...she needs to be in a program helping her understand how your decisions have consequences!
We appreciate that you've given her a place to stay but it's not a permanent solution unless you want to take over responsibility for her.

**NOTE**

I CANNOT FIND OUR REPLY, often Ms. Stepmom was the main communicator and sometimes she would text me directly while other times in a group chat. The result is that it was very difficult to get all of these texts in chronological order. 

THEM to US:

You say you're glad we "Finally" decided to reach out. Miss. Daughter was gone from our house for over a week before we actually knew where she was. Can you explain to me why you would let an underage child stay at your home without at least getting her parents side of the story? If your kid took off wouldn't you want someone to let you know where they were so you weren't worrying about her? You have obviously had the wool pulled over your eyes by Miss. Daughter.

THEM to US:

Its troubling to us why you're Only interested in one side of the story and the one that has obviously fooled you guys! We have 4 kids and if one of their friends showed up on my doorstep crying, with no shoes on...I think I'd be interested in the parental side of things before I made the decision to let them live with me and especially before I started thinking I knew what was best for that child.
One thing that needs to be set straight is Miss. Daughter chose to leave!!! You're not dealing with the sob story I'm sure she gave you that we kicked her out...

THEM to US:

Are you 2 going to be available to talk over the phone tomorrow morning or would you rather wait for a face to face with John?
If you choose to meet face to face, we want it to be without Miss. Daughter the 1st time. When can you meet? I know John needs it to be before 5 and we both work until 5. But we can make it a priority to do our best to get off early one day.
This is a priority for us because 20 days from now we're not going to know if Miss. Daughter is dead or alive day to Day. Right now I know because I check in with the school everyday. Once school is out that option is over!
One last thing I need for you to know is that her biological mother, whose name is [Redacted], has her parental rights terminated. If you'd like to know why (it plays a huge part of why all of this is going on and why Miss. Daughter has some of the issues she has) we can discuss that later. But just so you know she has been contacting her while at your house. Please, whatever you do...do not allow that to happen and please especially don't allow her to be with her. Please!!!
Please at least let me know if you're willing to talk and meet?

US to THEM:

I am aware of the story of the biological mother, when my husband gets home, I will ask about meeting at a later date

US to THEM:

So no phone call this weekend?

THEM to US:

I am not sure if it will work out, I have to work the whole weekend

US to THEM:

Ms. Stepmom / Mr. Father
Not having Miss. Daughter there is a reasonable request. If you setup a time with John I will make sure I make my schedule. Just let me know what day and time.

*make my schedule work.

THEM to US:

Ok thx! I'll let u know on Monday

US to THEM:

Not sure if Sarah will be able to make it, but we will do our best.

US to THEM:

Ms. Stepmom / Mr. Father
 Miss. Daughter would like to come over tonight to ask for her things. Will either of you be around?

THEM to US:

She needs to call her dad or me to come and get them. She was specifically told by John that SHE needs to call either of us and ask if she can come get her things. She was told that making adult decisions requires doing adult things...even when they're uncomfortable. You are 100% enabling her by not making her do what the right thing is and what an adult has told her to do several times (per john). So, no she can not get her belongings until she does what she's been told to do...
We have them ready for her whenever she makes the decision to do what she's been told.
It's killing us that she's being enabled by you guys...it is extremely the opposite of what she needs right now!!! Why??? Why won't you make her do what's right and what she's been told?
It seems you are convinced that she is a victim in this situation and you don't even know the situation. You guys have only known her for 3 weeks and you're going against people that have known her way longer than you have. Telling her not to go to the transitional living program and now this!
Hopefully, tomorrow, when we meet you both will be interested in at least trying to understand our side of things. The people that have loved and taken care of her, her entire life!

And who else is tagged in this message because it's not your wife or my husband???

US to THEM:

This is his wife, I have two different phone numbers

THEM to US:

Ok thx for the update. Do you not understand where we're coming from? Have u not heard John tell her that she needs to call?

US to THEM:

Ms. Stepmom / Mr. Father
I am sorry that you feel like we are enabling Miss. Daughter. We try very hard with our own children to guide rather than tell. To direct instead of order. We try to empower them to make decisions, right or wrong, then reflect on those decisions to decide if the right one was made. I am not going to defend our values, but I say this to say that all families parent differently. It stands to reason that our style may not jive with your own style. I feel like you are making a ton of assumptions. More to the point you are making judgements on those assumptions. You are free to form your own opinions, but please try to identify these assumptions and pitfalls so that, like you worry for yourselves, we are not judged inappropriately.

With that being said, the conversation we had with Miss. Daughter was very much based on guiding her into the uncomfortable situation of talking with you and her Dad. I had no idea that you were hung up on her calling and not doing it in person. I apologize for making the assumption that either would be ok. If you are not OK with her asking you in person for her stuff then I will ask her to call you this evening, and like you say we could meet tomorrow.

Talk to you soon
-Ryan

THEM to US:

Ryan...
Let me have you speak directly to Miss. Daughter' father, who gave birth to her, raised her for 17 years(2 of those by himself as a single dad), and who's heart is torn in 2 because we are literally at a loss as to how to help Miss. Daughter. Let me have him explain to you why YOU shouldn't be telling him what to do with his only daughter, his baby girl who Is heading down a path of self destruction that you know nothing about. But why don't you go ahead and explain to him, man to man, father to father, what's best for his daughter!!!!

US to THEM:

Ms. Stepmom, I'm not quite sure where you interpreted me telling you or Mr. Father how to rais your kid. I simply stated that everyone has their own parenting style.

Mr. Father
What time is a good time to talk this afternoon? You can give me a call anytime at .

Thanks
-Ryan 

THEM to US:

Everything that's came out of your mouth via text has been about what YOU think is best for Miss. Daughter...the TLP, her getting her belongings, telling us how you parent...are you interested in how we parent or what we want for our daughter...NO! Nothing that we've spoke of have you sided with us as parents but instead feel the need to tell us what you think is best for Miss. Daughter! The fact is, is that you have no idea what Miss. Daughter needs or who she even is for that matter!!! You've gone against what we've wanted, what the school personnel has thought was best, and what John has asked her to do!
I'm gonna stay out of it from here on out because I don't agree with a single thing that you've had to say.

THEM to US:

Let me explain to you what you are doing. You are interfering with everything that Ms. Stepmom myself the teachers John and everyone else that knows Miss. Daughter is trying to do for her. As Ms. Stepmom has explained to you multiple times. You also expressed to Ms. Stepmom that you feel like we are making assumptions and passing judgement on you. My question to you is what else are we to do? Take 2 seconds and look at it from our point of view. There's a stranger you have never met who allowed your underage daughter to move in to their home without so much as contacting you to see what was going on. We've talked to several people about this issue and everyone we've talked to said that would be the first thing that they would do is contact the parents to see what was going on. You are counseling my daughter on what you think she should do and what you think would be best for her when you have no idea what we have already done for her or what we feel is the appropriate steps to take. How is it that you feel that this is appropriate to do without even discussing it with her parents? You are completely out of line in what you're doing.

US to THEM:

Mr. Father

You bring up a good point. I took Miss. Daughter’ word without talking to her parents. I’ll admit I would do that differently. However Miss. Daughter’ story was pretty believable when she showed up at my door step with no shoes on and 50* outside. You have been adamant that she “chose” to leave. I would argue that if she chose to leave she would have left with her things. Being kicked out is more conducive to what her situation was which resulted in her not having anything.

One of the first things I said to you and Ms. Stepmom was “…, but as far as my opinion on the whole situation and how it came to be, I think we should just keep that to ourselves. Nothing will come of it except anger & frustration. Both of which I try to keep out of my life.”  So I don’t want to argue I just want to help Miss. Daughter get her things which is the most pressing issue at the moment.

Are you available for a call? Would you be ok if we came over so that Miss. Daughter can ask you face-to-face for her things or do you still require a phone call first?

-Ryan

THEM to US:

I'm working...is there something you need?

US to THEM:

 Miss. Daughter was calling you. Is there a time that works better for you?

THEM to US:

Has she tried her dad?

US to THEM:

Yeah, she tried both of you. What time do you want her to call?

THEM to US:

I'm gonna let HER figure out what to do when you call someone and they don't answer...

US to THEM:

She left you a voicemail. I'll ask a 3rd time. What time do you want her to call you?

THEM to US:

And I'm going to tell you this one time that's the last time you will speak to my wife that way text message phone call or whatever

THEM to US:

And I'm going to tell u myself... you will not speak to me that way!!! I did not get a voicemail. Did you Mr. Father?

US to THEM:

I didn't mean any disrespect I just want to satisfy your needs to have Miss. Daughter call you. If you tell me when you are available I will have her call you.

THEM to US:

No sure didn't. Sounds like she's lying to him too.

THEM to US:

Why the heck can't you just let Miss. Daughter figure it out??? Or has she convinced you with the manipulation that she needs you to help her use the phone?
I'm sure she figures out how to get a hold of her friends when they don't answer because they're busy!
Ryan... I'm going to make it real simple! She can handle making a phone call without your help. I get she needs your car to help deliver her things from place to place but we know that she can handle a difficult phone call. After all, she contacted her biological mom, after 9 years of no contact. So, even though the call may be difficult for her. She can do it!!!

THEM to US:

So after talking to my husband ...we've agreed that she needs to call her dad. He's available right now! She's not entitled to anything at our house. She made the choice to leave, meaning she didn't care about the things in life that we'd provided for her. So have her call her dad!
As far as meeting with you guys tomorrow we have no interest in trying to co/parent our daughter with you guys. So, I'll let John know that at this point in time we have no desire to meet face to face with either of you! You can keep her at your house and consider her your responsibility.

** NOTE **

Here we try to get Miss. Daughter’s possessions like clothes, shoes, toiletries. We do this by asking the Father, who changed the stipulations, to require her to unlock the cell phone before he would give back her possessions.

Feeling like we had no choice, we called a Sheriff to help retrieve her things from the house.

Met in person:

 Miss. Daughter unlocked the phone and showed the contents to the Sherriff. An agreement was reached that Miss. Daughter would come to live with us instead of sending her to be a ward of the state. Ryan and Sarah are responsible for getting a contract/POA to take responsibility for Miss. Daughter.

Talked to an attorney and they need the Mother/Father Full name and DOB.

Us to Them

Hi Ms. Stepmom - The attorney finally got back to me. He is asking for the following information to complete the POA document.

The natural mother’s full name and date of birth;
The natural father’s full name and date of birth;
The child’s full name and date of birth;

If you could get that back to me at your earliest convenience I would appreciate it.

Thanks
-Ryan

I just re-read that. If you know the Natural Mother's info great, if may not matter. Just add your full name and DOB. -Thanks

Them to Us

I'll forward this to Mr. Father...

FYI-I received a call that Miss. Daughter was not at school yesterday. Since u can't call her in tardy or absent...it would have been nice to know so I was aware for when they called. Or did you not know about the absence? Also, her grades are absolutely ridiculous! And there's 5 days of school left. I hope you understand that this is exactly what she wanted...to have someone in her life that has very low expectations. That's why she hates us right now because we have very high expectations!!! There's a motto that I've found to be very true with ALL of my teenage kids and it's "if your kids hate you when they're teenagers than you're doing something right!"

And there's the problem...instead of facing reality as it is, she's doing exactly what her mom has done and that's run from every problem in her life. A mother that has 2 living children, 3 dead, and instead of her facing reality...she ran! It's heart breaking to see that Miss. Daughter is choosing to start her adult life off like this.

Just curious if you've raised a teenage girl? A teenage girl with and ? A teenage girl that's been abandoned by her biological mother? Have you researched girls with or in general? Have you dealt with a teenager that comes from a family that has schizophrenia and bi-polar? Or do you still feel this is a "normal" teenage girl that just doesn't want to follow her parents rules? Have you figured out that she has a lot of work that needs to be done, professionally? I get she thinks you guys are the best thing since sliced bread right now cuz she's getting what she wants but have you given it any thought that you all might be damaging her more than helping her?

Anyway,I'm sure you're still convinced that you're doing what's best for Miss. Daughter...but a little research and getting the BIG picture of what's actually going on...have you figured it out yet? Or are you still convinced that different parenting is what she needs and is what's best for her?

Them to Us

Are u gonna let me know about her absence?

Us to Them

She was absent. She was supposed to talk to the counselor today to see if she could get it excused since we can not call in for her.

Us to Them

Hi Mr. Father
I know Ms. Stepmom forwarded this to you yesterday. Could you send me the info below?

The natural mother’s full name and date of birth;  (might not be needed, but the attrny asked for it)

The Step mother’s full name and date of birth;   (might not be needed, but the attrny asked for it)

The natural father’s full name and date of birth;

The child’s full name and date of birth;  5/3/ ?? 

If you can send this as soon as possible I will get it over to the attorney.
Thanks
-Ryan

Them to Us

Ryan...
Mr. Father hasn't decided what his final decision is regarding Miss. Daughter. So, he's not going to give you any info at this point. We're not sure your house is the best place for her to be. You wouldn't even tell us that she was absent or why. And many other issues that concern us!!! But you guys won't listen nor acknowledge our concerns.
So...when he's ready he'll let you know what his final decision is. I'm gonna tell you that the main issue with letting her stay with you is that you won't even acknowledge that Miss. Daughter is struggling and needs help. That's huge for us to know that you have an understanding of what her needs are.
FYI her bday isn't 5/3. And he isn't going to give you our info until he makes his final decision on what he wants for her.

**NOTE**

I can’t keep the timeline straight anymore. Just pasting everything from [REDACTED] so I don’t inadvertently leave out a message. Hopefully, the order is chronological

Them to Us

Just wanted to let you know that the soonest Mr. Father will be available to meet up with you to sign that document will be Tuesday (5/22). Tonight we have baseball, fri-sun he'll be gone on a boyscout campout, and Monday he'll be at a scout meeting right after work. He may potentially have a quick minute to meet up after work tomorrow, which would be around 4-430 but not sure! I'll probably know something around 2-3 tomorrow...
Hopefully from here on out, after the document is signed and notarized, we won't need to communicate but if there's a need to do so for some reason, we'd prefer to only deal with you.
I'll let you know tomorrow if Mr. Father can meet up with you, assuming you'll be available. If tomorrow doesn't work out, than we'll be in touch Tuesday.

US to THEM:

Thanks for the update. I was going to send you a message this evening too.

US to THEM:

We were able to sit down with an attorney this afternoon. We gave him all of the details and also what you were asking for. If we got Guardianship that would give you what you were asking for, but the cost is huge and since it would only be for until she was 18 it just doesn't make sense. However, he did say that he could draw up a Power of Attorney (at our cost of course) as well as a kind of contract (similar to what you were going to type up I think) that would say we will take care of her financially.

There was some legal mambo jumbo about a 3rd party cannot stop a lawsuit. That is, even if we had guardianship and the scenario you mentioned last night where a crime was committed and the victims, if they were going to 

sue us, they would most likely still name the birth parents in the lawsuit. He said that us being a 3rd party would not be able to stop them from naming you.

Hopefully that is a wild extreme scenario and we wouldn't have to deal with any of that.  

So it will take a few days to get that all drawn up. Then he said that you would have to get it notarized. Which means it would be more convenient for you since we wouldn't have to pick a time when we were ALL available.  

Does that sound good to you two?

Also, I understand that emotions are raw right now, but I would really like to maintain contact with you. I really want to make sure your relationship gets amended eventually. Life it too short for that. but that is down the road when all of this is not so fresh and raw.

As for just talking to me, I understand. Sarah was very emotional last night and even more passionate about looking out for Miss. Daughter. I won't add her to our text messages and you can just text me when you want to.

Thanks
-Ryan

Them to Us

You will need to text Mr. Father about what you're wanting to do regarding your lawyer drawing up the document. That's not a decision I'm comfortable with.
I will tell you that once this document is established we are done! Until Miss. Daughter, not you and your wife, decides that she's ready to reestablish a relationship. I don't see the need for you or your wife to be in the middle of that.
Our main concern legally is more so worried about you all not keeping eyes on her while on social media, the phone, or while out and about and her getting into a bad situation where Miss. Daughter gets herself hurt. The sheriff also mentioned that based on the content of her social media conversations, you may end up with some illegal activity going on at your house...just FYI!

Them to Us

The one problem with only agreeing that you're financially responsible is that you can't take care of her medical or educational needs. You aren't allowed to speak to the school or her dr. Without being legally responsible. So what's your plans as far as that goes? If you guys are wanting to be her guardians than you need a plan!

sorry, I thought I said. To take care of that (instead of guardianship) is power of attorney. That will give us the right to get her medical treatment, sign up for school, etc. 

Them to Us

Based on your 2nd paragraph earlier, it appeared you were saying DPOA for financial purposes...as long as it allows u to be responsible for medical treatment and schooling purposes than go for it.
I'm very familiar with the differences in DPOA for financial and DPOA for medical and there's a huge difference!!! So I would proceed with caution because we will not sign anything that does not state that you are responsible for ALL of the above that I've mentioned (financially, medically, education).

She has an at school that requires quite a bit of parental involvement and not just the typical enrollment, conferences, etc. You will have to have something covering you to take that over. And DPOA for finances will not cover that. But we're willing to have our lawyer review it and make sure it's what we're looking for.

right. I let the attorney know your concerns. He said that we can do a POA for medical, education, etc. Then he was going to write up an agreement/contract type thing for the financial aspect. Sounds like it should satisfy both parties.

As soon as I get the documents I will get them to you so you can have your attorney look over them.

US to THEM

Sounds good! Wish you all the best!

THEM to Us

FYI...since u don't have access to this yet, I think it's important for u to know since they're going into finals.

 Miss. Daughter' grades:
Pro Start-
A&P--% (which she's retaking to replace her F from last semester)
History--%
Algebra IIA--%

US to THEM

Thanks. Miss. Daughter and I have been talking about that.

THEM to Us

I'm doing my kiddos online verification that's due by 6/1. Unfortunately, there's no way for me to remove Miss. Daughter from our household. You'll have to take care of that once you get authorization to do so. I can't remember if she's had the required immunization for 12th grade or not. Once you get authorization, you can get that info on your own. Her most recent physical was through .

THEM to Us

Again once to go on to our other kiddos it's making me agree to sign these documents for Miss. Daughter but I will send the verification office an email stating that we're no longer responsible for Miss. Daughter Blevins and you'll have to add her to yours.

US to THEM

Yeah, no worries. I will have to do it all over when I register her. So that will nullify that you agreed to those policies. Hope that helps.

THEM to Us

She has a dental cleaning due on 6/15. I am canceling that and you guys can find her a new dentist with your insurance. And as previously stated I will get a copy of her most up to date immunizations but I'm pretty sure she'll need the one for 12th grade and you guys can find her a dr. to get that done at. She was also on birth control to regulate her cycle. She has not been taking that since she left and she's been telling multiple guys that she wants to have a baby and even picking out names...this is per the sheriff that read her messages. So the birth control may be a priority!!! We are removing her from our health and dental benefits since she no longer resides with us. I will attempt to get you s copy of her immunizations by mid next week.

Ok. Thanks.

**NOTE**

About a month went by where Miss. Daughter was lightheartedly texting with her Dad and Stepmom. But as school is about to start and incoming Seniors have to have a meningitis immunization. I was trying to get that situated but they held it hostage by not giving me permission to get her the shot.

I called her existing doctor and made an appointment, which happens to be where the stepmom works. Unfortunately she found out about the appointment and canceled it.

At this point I am getting exhausted and don’t have the energy to fight for Miss. Daughter any more. You will notice that I do not respond to all of her messages when she is accusing me of getting some kind of confidential information.

US to THEM

Can you tell me where you got the vaccination form from that Miss. Daughter is talking about that shows she had a meningitis shot last year?

THEM to Us

Just want to let you know that I gave you the opportunity to explain to me how you received a private document of Miss. Daughter'. If you received it from my job at clay platte by breaking the HIPPA laws, we will be proceeding legally. I told Miss. Daughter on Tuesday that I would get her her vaccination record by Friday.
I'm not sure why you went ahead and called and explained her situation when that's illegal for one and for 2 all you had to do was wait until I got her records. This is what Miss. Daughter has told me what's going on and I haven't heard anything different from you. So , again I will be finding out how you received her private info without being a person able to obtain her records. Unless, you'd like to explain before I start investigating myself.

THEM to Us

My 3 major concerns are you don't know if she even needs the vaccination. She has been seen at her pediatrician and her primary dr, that's why I said I'd get her record for her do she doesn't get a shot she doesn't need
2nd you are not allowed to handle her medical affairs, you're not her guardian. I'm assuming you are planning on using our insurance to cover this dr visit without our consent.
And 3rd her "situation" doesn't need to be explained at my place of employment.
Last night she said she would talk to you when you got home and would get back to me...that never happened and I texted you and you never got back to me.
If you choose to respond, I'd also like to know how you plan on handling her school affairs because I've made it very clear to all staff at park hill that you nor your wife are allowed to handle anything regarding her until further notice. So we may need to get that squared away as well since August 1st is real close.

THEM to Us

So my job explained to me everything that happened against HIPPA violation. Are u going to try and establish some form of communication between us regarding Miss. Daughter' parental involvement necessities?
All u had to do was wait for her shot record and then ask us if she could go to her dr. at my job and an appt could have been scheduled that way instead of trying to be sneaky about it. My concern is, with this school year being her senior year, and the fact that she has an IEP, she's going to need more parental involvement than the average student. How do u plan on handling that stuff? Are u simply not going to communicate with us. We've left her and you and your family alone. She calls and texts us over fun stuff but when it comes to responsibility issues, that's where it becomes manipulative and hectic.
You guys wanted this responsibility and now that it's time to be responsible you won't do it the right way? We're not going anywhere, we're still her parents, and we still ultimately have to control over her affairs until she turns 18. We can do it the easy way or the hard way. I guess that's up to you!

US to THEM

Ms. Stepmom
I am going to respond to you before the conspiracy in your head gets any more out of hand. We were not being sneaky or trying to go around you. I assume Miss. Daughter need’s the immunization shot, or at least we must assume because we still are not authorized to handle Miss. Daughter’s medical care. I simply asked Miss. Daughter what doctor she went to. She told me. I called that office. Verified that she was an established patient, and then I made an appointment. That is it. Nothing shady or sneaky or wrong. We are simply trying to take care of Miss. Daughter because that is what we told you that we would do.

So bear with me for a moment. Most, if not all, your messages are filled with distain and confused with conspiracy. If you want to ask a question, please re-ask it without being passive aggressive or preconceived notion as to what you think the answer is. This way we can communicate like adults.

I believe you and your Mr. Father are putting Miss. Daughter at risk by not authorizing us to provide her with care. You even left the state putting her at huge risk! Miss. Daughter has been a contributing member of this house for three months now. I think we have shown that our intentions are good and that we are taking good care of her. I would appreciate it if you gave us that authorization before school starts. I would also appreciate it if you would give us permission to handle any school issues, like calling her in sick, as well. After that we will not have to bother you for anything and you can go back to just texting Miss. Daughter when it is fun and light hearted. (which I think is wonderful by the way)

So if you wouldn’t mind. Start over and ask me direct questions and I will answer them when they are appropriate. You have not communicated with me for almost 60 days so I don’t think it is fair for you to say I am the one not communicating. Until yesterday you were fine with the way things have been happening.

THEM to Us

This was my original, to the point text, that you chose to not respond to...
Can you tell me where you got the vaccination form from that Miss. Daughter is talking about that shows she had a meningitis shot last year?

**NOTE**

 Miss. Daughter logged into her patient portal and found an immunization there. (Screenshots not shown)

US to THEM

We looked it up online.

THEM to Us

As far as u looking up her vaccination online...it's not possible for you to obtain her vaccination record online. And my employer told me that you asked about the vaccination and that the record was accessed. That's against HIPPA for u to do that. Even if you checked with the school nurse she may not have the most up to date info. That's why I told Miss. Daughter I would gather her records and get them to her by Friday. Why was that not sufficient enough before u proceeded with scheduling an appt not knowing if she even needed the shot!

US to THEM

I think your timeline is off. We had the appointment scheduled. You only said that you would give Miss. Daughter a record AFTER you blocked the appointment. I'm sorry if I didn't wait for you, but you don't have the best track record with me for doing the things that you say you will do.

If it isn't possible to look up her records online then how did I send you a screenshot?

THEM to Us

US to THEM

Ok I apologise. I am the one confused on this one. I think she showed/told me that after I had already made the appointment. Which is probably why my own timeline is wrong. That's not an excuse, just getting it all straight in my head. Sorry.

THEM to Us

So...you made an email and accessed her patient portal through clay platte. That's completely different than "online". You're not dumb in the medical technology field and u know exactly what you're doing.

US to THEM

That is not true, but thank you for the credit.

**NOTE**

At this point, the Stepmother sends a very long text which I will post below along with my responses.

**EMAIL**        I will add our responses below each point

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

Hi Ryan...after getting the details situated out at my job/ Miss. Daughter' dr.'s office, we came to the conclusion that you were informed to possibly contact CPS as how to proceed with her medical needs. Since that's already happened, I'm going to try and respectfully explain to you where my husband is coming from as to why he won't sign over the right for you to handle her affairs. 

If you remember the night you brought the sheriff over, the agreement right before you left, was that Mr. Father and i were going to put together a document that explained that you and your wife could handle Miss. Daughter' medical and educational needs, temporarily, and then we were going to meet up with you at a bank or somewhere to have it notarized. That never happened because you went ahead and went to your lawyer and wanted us to sign a document that you/your lawyer created instead of sticking to the original agreement. That pissed my husband off and put him in a place of distrust and lack of respect. 

OUR RESPONSE______________________

I apologize for making you and Mr. Father uncomfortable. I have a “Legal Services” benefit at work which I thought this would be the perfect time to get some use out of it. I had the opinion that it would be better to have a document written by an attorney than one written by you or myself. Thank you for being open with me and giving me a chance to explain myself.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

Also, if you remember we(you, your wife, Mr. Father, the CPS worker, and i) were supposed to meet the evening after you brought the sheriff over with John. The entire purpose of that meeting was supposed to be so that us, as adults, with a mediator, could resolve these issues. You never allowed that to happen because you brought the sheriff over. 

OUR RESPONSE______________________

I suspect that most of my answers might sounds like excuses or some sarcastic tone. Please don’t interpret them that way. I very much want to respect you and Mr. Father and come to an agreement.

The night the Sheriff came over was not because I wanted to avoid the CPS worker, rather the issue was it had been 2 weeks and she still did not have any of her things. She was borrowing shoes and clothes and she did that all on her own. She took care of her own needs like we want her to. I thought that was very responsible. Unfortunately, Mr. Father changed his mind that evening and did not want to give her possessions back because he added (or what seemed to be added, to us) a stipulation about unlocking the phone. I really don’t know why she made such a big fuss over the phone because it didn’t seem like there was anything too bad other than just talk/text messages.

My point being we felt like you were just trying to make this as hard as possible for us and that you had broken our agreement first by saying the phone had to be unlocked. Now I am aware that this could have been a miscommunication. Because it was always your stipulation to have her unlock the phone, however that stipulation was not in the agreement between Mr. Father and Miss. Daughter. So, we felt slighted. We did bring a Sheriff because we thought they would be able to get Miss. Daughter’s things. I mean I knew it would escalate the situation, but at the same time I felt like we had no other choice because we thought you would never give her things back to her. So let me apologize for bringing the Sheriff too, because I did know that it would escalate the situation.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

The combo of those 2 issues has caused us to feel that you want to have complete control of this situation. Which, as Miss. Daughter's parents, who never wanted this situation to take place in the first place, are not on board with our daughter living somewhere that we are not somewhat still involved in her life. But, I don't feel that you are even interested in trying to understand the background of what had led up to this event. I assume you are still convinced that Miss. Daughter is a victim of parental neglect versus having a teenage daughter, with some emotional issues, that we've spent years trying to find the right fix to and what our major concerns were and still are with Miss. Daughter and her future as she's approaching adulthood and that cluster of a mess led to an out of control situation, which is how she ended up at your house.

OUR RESPONSE______________________

I think I told you both in text and in person that my goal in this situation is to reconcile your relationship with Miss. Daughter. I told you this because it is something close to my heart as I was estranged from my Mother and never reconciled before she passed away.

I do want you to be involved. Until recently I thought things were going smooth. Miss. Daughter told us that she was talking with her Dad and we encouraged that. But also, I do want to be able to take Miss. Daughter to the emergency room if she needed stiches or the doctor to get birth control, etc.

As for the background of the situation I think I told you in one of my first messages that addressing anything that happened before was an exercise in futility since I don’t think our rationales will match up. I do believe that you think you were doing what was best. No sense in arguing that point. One point that I do want to talk through is the fact that she only has a few months left as a minor, and then she will be on her own. I’m of the opinion that my kids should be ready (or very close) for the world at 17. I would like to make sure Miss. Daughter gets to that point too. We will go over budgeting, job choice, transportation, etc. etc. My goal besides reconciling you is to prepare Miss. Daughter for adulthood the best I can.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

So, the way it needs to happen, if this is going to work out...is if you as parents need something for Miss. Daughter, that she's not able to communicate to us herself, is to send a simple text explaining to us what you need. Or a phone call, parent to parent. For example... the vaccination needed... Miss. Daughter asked me for her records and the dr info. I had full intentions on getting her that info and then giving you, as her temporary parent, a signed document to take her to her dr. She could have used our insurance that we carry for her and it could have very simply been handled that way. It can be done very simply, to where we are still involved with what is going on with our daughter. When it comes to school, if she can't make it to school, or requires a phone call home for whatever reason, that we are still in the loop. 

OUR RESPONSE______________________

This agreement scares me. In the past I am of the opinion that you and Mr. Father sometimes hold things over us. Like the issue with getting Miss. Daughter’s things. The agreement got changed (or at least we thought it did) and then Miss. Daughter is the one that loses.

I propose that you do give us the temporary authorization for medical care just to reduce Miss. Daughter’s risk. In exchange you remain in charge of school affairs we just ask for enough authorization to call her in sick. You would still get the school messages and will be kept up to date. We will also make sure that Miss. Daughter “calls in” to you and Mr. Father if she doesn’t go to school.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

I'm not sure where the idea came from that we wanted you to become her only parental figures and that we didn't want any involvement? My husband is just not on board with that. He wants to know her grades, if she needs medical care, if she's absent from school, and so on. I'm not sure why you aren't on board with that? If this is something that you're not willing to do then we have alternative options to dissolve this situation. Like synergy, making her come back home, or possibly a residential teen program. I have spent the last week exploring our options, in case you're not on board with us still being involved with Miss. Daughter, when it comes to her medical and educational needs.

OUR RESPONSE______________________

I think you know my feelings about sending a young girl to a halfway house. I think there was a miscommunication here too. I seem to remember you and Mr. Father saying it was all or nothing. We had to take on all responsibility of Miss. Daughter. Including healthcare, legal expenses, etc. So, I am glad to now know that you do want to be involved in her life. Now let’s make that happen.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

We want to be a part of our daughters life...if you aren't interested in the emotions and chaos that took place months leading up to her leaving home or us kicking her out. However, you want to see it. You don't know the history, the resources we've exhausted to try and get our little girl the correct help that she needed and the help that we needed as her frustrated, burnt out parents. After all of the lying, sneaking, promiscuous behavior, that led up to the event the night she left, we were at a loss as what to do! Emotions were high on all ends and it just so happened that her class mates and bio mom were all encouraging her to leave home. That's, again how she ended up with you.

OUR RESPONSE______________________

Knowing the history of you exhausting all of your options, I think I can understand that. The part I am not interested in is the part where blame is assigned. That doesn’t do anyone any good. Again, I am happy that you want to be in her life. I want you to reconcile your relationship with Miss. Daughter and I truly believe that just a change in “parenting style” has done her good. I think that she broke your trust and it was just too difficult for her to earn it back which caused the majority of the issues.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

So, my simple solution, going into the school year is to allow us to be her parents, and we'll give you the correct documentation that you will/may need to effectively take care of her. But if you're not willing to do that then we are ready to switch to an alternative situation to where Miss. Daughter will no longer be with you. We need to know what you're willing to cooperate with, what your level of understanding is parent to parent, and if you agree and understand why my husband still wants to know what is going on with his daughter, no matter how much you feel we are being or were being neglectful. 

OUR RESPONSE______________________

This paragraph still sounds like we are wanting the same thing. Yes, you are her parents and you should be in her life. We both want the ability and authorization to do the things we need to for Miss. Daughter. That is, taking her to the doctor, and be able to call her into the school sick.

THEIR ORIGINAL EMAIL_________________

Can we get on the same page? Or not? It's really a very simple solution. Notify us of what you need and we'll either take care of it because we are still her parents or we'll give you the necessary documentation you'll need to make sure she's taken care of. We only have about 3 weeks until school starts and we're ready to make a change according to your response to this text. So, please respond with your thoughts ASAP or we'll be left with taking matters into our own hands.

OUR RESPONSE______________________

So, my opinion is that we are on the same page, or at least very close. However, I am very cautious of trusting that you will not change your mind and or the deal we make. So, whatever we agree upon I think it should stay that way for some time (Maybe 90 days) as a trial. If it works, then we either renew for another 90 days or renew to the end of the school year.

I feel like these are fair and allow both of us to do what we think is best for Miss. Daughter, but I want to hear what you think of them.

US to THEM

Just read this message. I have some thoughts but let me get them organized and I'll respond as soon as I can.

**NOTE**

I replied to their email which is combined with their original email above

US to THEM

Hey Ms. Stepmom, I just finished replying to your letter. I responded one paragraph at a time. Can I send it via email? What is your and Mr. Father's email address?

THEM to Us

Not to be rude...but I'm not really interested in your thoughts. It's really, genuinely a

simple question for you and your wife. Can we get on the same page and have you, your wife, and Miss. Daughter understand that We are going to continue to be involved in Miss. Daughter' life? We have given her and you all your space, as Miss. Daughter requested. And now all were asking is if you are willing to keep us in the loop by simply texting when a parental decision or parental involvement is needed. Are you guys willing to do that? Or do we need to pursue our other avenues to assure that we are involved in Miss. Daughter' future?

US to THEM

Please stop the passive aggressive "other avenues"

US to THEM

The points I make in the letter are that we are agreeing and we want the same thing. I was trying to make it easy to read for you, but I'll send it via text.

**NOTE**

THEY replied to my email. Pasted below.

THEM to Us

Ryan,

I genuinely appreciate you feeling that your home is what’s best for Miss. Daughter. I see and understand your good intentions. I was in the same situation with both my mom and dad, due to drugs, and lost my mom with an unreconciled relationship as well. But, Miss. Daughter is not a project for you. I don’t think that you view it as that way, but you need to understand how we view it, if this is ever going to work out. And it feels that she is a project for you and your wife due to your past. You mention that you want to be understood as not giving excuses or having a sarcastic undertone...vice versa! You are on the side of this situation to where you are experiencing positive feelings of being able to help someone and possibly help heal some of your pain from your past. We’re on the side of experiencing loss, fear, guilt, confusion, etc. So, when you ask for understanding and to not interpret your messages as defensive, passive aggressive, sarcastic, etc, it’s really hard to get why you feel you deserve that. If you’re asking for it, it shouldn’t be hard to give. From the very beginning we obviously haven’t agreed and have both had very strong feelings about this situation. 

I’ve done what you’re doing... I took my nephew in for 2.5 years. He has Tourette’s, ADHD, and severe psychological trauma. I had to quit working to take care of him. It disrupted our entire family, the flow of it, the finances, everything from A-Z. I’ve also raised 2 kids ( Miss. Daughter and her brother) from the ages of 15 mths and 5 years old, that are not mine. And went through hell and back with their biological mom. I get what you’re doing, I understand the disruption, I get it all. I don’t get how you feel entitled to parenting her, simply cuz she showed up on your door step, barefoot and crying! That’s not a reason for entitlement to raising a child, especially without giving a damn about the details. But I do appreciate the safety you’re providing. 

We had it all set up to go to a TLP. Your idea of a TLP being a halfway house is not correct. I grew up in both. But without 100% accurate facts, you convinced Miss. Daughter to not go. I had a big support system of the school case worker(who has known her for 4 years), the counselor, the social worker, her parents, and the CPS worker on board that we wanted to try the TLP. It had been a talked about idea between the school personnel and us for about 6 months. It was the school who felt it may help her. I had been seeking for help in several ways and when we had it arranged for her to go, it was such a relief that she would be going to a place that would help her grow and we could still be involved by family therapy, etc. I wish you would have stayed out of it at that point but it’s too late for that. I guess it’s besides the point... but it’s just trying to get you to see that there’s always 3 sides to the story and for whatever reason it seems you have only been interested in 1 side and that’s not fair to any of us, including Miss. Daughter. But, you guys have been convinced from day 1 that you know best and that you’re right! 

I hear that you strongly feel that we have backed out of things, held things over your head for control, changed our minds, etc. I don’t understand why you can’t get that none of that was intentional or deliberate. It was coming from a place of fear, confusion, a loss of not knowing what to do. My husband is not at ALL comfortable with her being with you. I am continuously convincing him that it’s what’s best for her at this time. He is not going to Ever sign anything that gives you consent or authority to care for her. So, I’m trying to figure out what’s best knowing that that is not going to happen.

It seems pretty simple to me...obviously if it were a genuine emergency, you take her to be treated and we’d be right there. Birth control...ask for consent to take her and it’ll be done. Vaccination....ask for it and it’ll be done. She’s sick or you need a personal day for whatever, ask and it’ll be done. That’s as best as I can do at this time and probably forever, until it’s no longer needed. Does it complicate things more for both parties, sure! But, at the end of the day I believe that it will help Miss. Daughter and Mr. Father have more reasons to communicate and need one another and hopefully help some healing start that needs to take place. 

As far as other avenues...it’s not a threat, it’s what Miss. Daughter’ legal guardian, her dad, wants. He doesn’t want you teaching her things to prepare for life. We have 3 other kids, 2 of them being older than Miss. Daughter, and our parenting has been just fine and they have or are turning into successful adults. Miss. Daughter has just always chosen to not abide by our rules/expectations. So, if we can’t get on the same page, then he wants her to be somewhere that is going to work with us, care about what we want, and help Miss. Daughter by knowing what our concerns are and actually listen to them. Not someone guessing what she needs. I’m just being real and honest and telling you that Mr. Father is not going to give you the authority to handle her affairs that require a parent being involved. So, the thought or chance of a document being put together isn’t going to happen because he strongly feels that you guys have no care or concern about what he wants as her father and the man that has cared for her for 17 years.

If you want that to happen, it’s going to take a man to man, probably face to face, conversation. That’s what we were trying to do in the 1st place with CPS as a mediator.

 So, bottom line is....

-try to talk to him without judgement 

-allow us to make the parental decisions when necessary

-or she’s going to have to go into a transitional living program with the stipulation that if she leaves, she’ll go into states custody, or force her to come back home with the same stipulation in place

He feels the same way today that he did the day she left, so time is going to do nothing about the way he feels regarding her being at your home. I believe the best outcome from this situation is for Miss. Daughter to understand that we love her, always have, always will. And that we could have handled things differently but that running from and avoiding problems in life are not what’s best, especially for her getting ready to be an adult. She’s extremely co-dependent and for her to believe that running from her problems are a solution. She’s had no problem communicating with both Mr. Father and I when it comes to light hearted, fun conversations but ever since the dr. office incident, she hasn’t contacted either of us. 

So, I end this with asking you to do the same that you’re asking for...to realize that there’s no passive aggressiveness, sarcasm, or preconceived thoughts. It’s simply a family that has been torn apart and is trying to heal and figure out a way to slowly repair the damage. You’re not a counselor or a therapist and you may think you know what’s best but that’s impossible when you have not known her for 17 years and have voiced many times that you feel that the past is irrelevant. Which is so far from the truth! If there’s any way to make this work 1 of the 3 mentioned bottom lines need to take place. How you go about that, is in your hands. Again, I do appreciate the care and safety you’re providing and the finances that go along with it. But at the end of the day, remember that we did not and do not want this to be the solution, so if we have to fight to figure out what’s best for our daughter, we will! Right now, we’re trying to give some space and allow Miss. Daughter to have some time to experience life without us. As how it will end, I don’t know!

Ms. Stepmom

US to THEM

Hi Ms. Stepmom
Thanks for your lovely letter. I appreciate it. I feel like there are still a couple of misunderstandings, but I also feel like we have an agreement.

1) I had no idea Mr. Father would even want to sit down and talk to me, but I am fine with that. In fact I would be happy to do that.

2) You and Mr. Father can make all the parenting decisions for Doctor's visits, School things, and other misc things that come up. As long as you agree to accept this too, I am all for it.

2a) I must insist that Synergy is not held over Miss. Daughter's head for every little thing. That is just too much stress and anxiety for a kid to be afraid and not knowing where they might be sleeping that night.

3) Doesn't seem revlevant as a "next step" but I understand it as a consequence. I am fine with this being the consequence. But I also need you to agree to #2a.

If you and Mr. Father do agree to 2a, which is my only concern, then lets get started! I'm excited!

Let me know when Mr. Father would like to meet and I'll be there. Could be over a beer, coffee, or just at your home.

Can you go ahead and schedule Miss. Daughter her immunization shot and let us know?

Can you also follow up with Miss. Daughter to make sure she has birth control and/or any other medication she might need?

THEM to Us

I am going to leave the planning for you and Mr. Father to do between the 2 of you. I'm assuming you still have his #.

As far as the immunization, I will get her record from her pediatrician to see if she even needs it. I will work on that tomorrow.

Once I've figured that out, I will give you a notarized document that states you can get her immunization and birth control at her primary care physician, using our insurance.

FYI..the birth control thing or any female issues, she can take care of herself at 17. I verified that with our clinic.

If her shot is needed, you will have consent to bring her in at your convenience and she can get her script for her birth control. If she's already had both meningitis shots, I will give Miss. Daughter a copy of it to have for back to school day. Hopefully that makes sense, that's the best I can do.

As far as 2a...if you're talking about rather we proceed with the TLP or something of that sort, we aren't hanging it above her head. But if improvements arent being seen throughout the school year, knowing that she's going to be 18 soon, I don't know what we'll do. We're very concerned about her future. I'm hoping that this change has caused her to want to do better and better herself without my constant nagging and pushing.

Let me mention that I will get the notarized form if Mr. Father is still ok with me doing that. I will let you know for sure once I speak with him about it

Ok. Thanks. I just checked and I do have Mr. Father's number. I'll text him tomorrow.

**NOTE**

Here is the last exchange. I don’t know how to take the flip flopping that they keep doing on what they want. Any suggestions?

THEM to Us

After re-reading your email, let me add a few things I missed in the last email.

It sounds like the main reason you aren’t comfortable with Mr. Father and me giving you the “impromptu” consent to handle Miss. Daughter’ affairs is due to the idea that you believe we have continuously “backed out” or changed our minds on different matters. The factual situation regarding her belongings were this....
-John told us from the very first time we met with him that he told Miss. Daughter that she needed to be the one to reach out to us for her belongings and we 100% agreed
-when you started asking for them I told you several times that we expected her to reach out and that once she did we would give her some of her belongings
-after speaking with John about her belongings, we had agreed that we would have a parents meeting with him on Thursday
-if there was an agreement between Miss. Daughter and Mr. Father that she could come pick up her belongings before that meeting, I was not aware of it. I had her belongings ready to be delivered to you after the meeting with John or once she called asking for them, depending on how our parent meeting went. In no way did we think we’d be dealing with parents that were so defensive and 100% on Miss. Daughter’ side of things
-the sheriff and you guys showed up on Wednesday, demanding her stuff, Mr. Father was not there. Once he arrived he stated the conditions of her getting her stuff. The sheriff agreed that that was an even exchange. The belongings were delivered once the phone was unlocked.

So the facts of that situation should lead to the conclusion that it was a misunderstanding on all ends, not us backing out or changing our minds. There is no other matter that we’ve backed out on. Except, when again we made a deal with the sheriff that we would put together a document spelling out what authority and rights you could have as parents to Miss. Daughter. We didn’t back out, but had the rug pulled from underneath us by you going to your lawyer. We have the same legal service through Mr. Father’s employer but we were trying to keep this a personal issue between 2 families. CPS and the law were already involved. We didn’t want any further outside resources in the middle of something we felt we were about to resolve.

There’s nothing that we’ve backed out of...I told Miss. Daughter I would get her her shot records on a Tuesday and that I’d have them to her by Friday. Again, the rug was pulled by getting notification from my employer/her drs office that an appt had been made. I felt at that point that you had taken it into your own hands and didn’t need me any further.

The one thing I will agree that we struggled with and didn’t stick to our word on was, that

if you were going to care for her that you’d be willing to assume all financial, legal, medical, and educational needs. I believe that we both were saying that out of spite knowing how much taking on a new kiddo into the family entailed and didn’t know at that point if Miss. Daughter was even truly staying with you guys or using your home as an excuse to really stay with Jessie at her moms, which we know is uncontrolled and unmonitored most of the time. We didn’t know what to believe, just as you guys didn’t know what to believe. For months, Jessie had been telling Miss. Daughter she could live with her at her moms and her staying with her friends boyfriends parents house, whom we had never met nor heard of was unbelievable at the time and still doesn’t make sense.

I asked her not too long ago, how Jessie felt about her living with her boyfriend and she said she had no idea but that they really weren’t hanging out anymore. I assume Jessie doesn’t like it, even if she doesnt say anything. Most girls would not like their friend living with their boyfriend. Miss. Daughter agreed that she felt jessie didn’t really care for the situation.

Have you stuck to your word? 2 things I asked of you, the night you left our house...1 was to assure that Miss. Daughter was not communicating with her bio mom & the 2 was to please get her some help for her emotional issues that she’s struggling with? I know that she’s in regular contact with her mom and I’m assuming theres been no therapy since you don’t have the consent to do so. In order for this to play out to Miss. Daughter’ best interest in the end, the trying to make us the bad guys because we’re trying to make things difficult needs to stop. There’s been fault on both sides, including Miss. Daughter’, and I think we should all quit pointing fingers and move forward. I explained all of this to you to try and get some clarity to the situation.

To end my point to this 2nd email is to assure you that when level headed and fully aware of what we’re agreeing to, Mr. Father and I are both people who stick to our word and don’t back out of commitments. So, when I tell you that if something parental is needed, and we’re being told the truth, we will be more than willing to give you the consent that you need. Trust me if we didn’t care, it’d be a lot easier to just sign over our rights and let you do as you please.

Hopefully, this shed some light to our side of things and we can continue on, with her staying with you, until further notice. If you’re not ok with this decision than please let me know so that we can proceed as need be.

Sent from my iPhone

**NOTE**
Missing order of texts.
Here is where I lost track. The method I used to extract these texts did not give timestamps. So, some of these texts might be out of order and some might be unintentionally missing, but not many. Sorry.

There are several texts missing above 9/26/18 9:30am
Then there was a lull in our communication. Except for when the parents gave Alexis 1 day to come get her dog or they were taking it to the shelter. Naturally, we let the dog into our home too. Again, there was a lull in the communication for months. Until one day they decided to tell Miss. Daughter that they were going to come over with a Sherriff and pull her out of my house and take her to Synergy Services which is a youth program helping families in crisis. Sarah and I were against this because we did not want her to be in that environment exposed to things that she may not be ready for.

ME *Angry* to THEM

Mr. Father

I am asking you to stop harassing Miss. Daughter. I will not allow it to continue. You have proven time and time again that you have no want to be involved with her. I’ll say that again, you signed away all your involvement with school. You even signed official documents saying so. Without a court order, there is absolutely no way that you could possibly force Miss. Daughter to do anything, she doesn’t want to do. She has established residency and we have a State ID that says so.

I don’t practice law, but here is what I think will happen. You will need to get a judgement, court order, to remove Miss. Daughter from my home where she has established residency. While I think you DO have the right to say where she lives, I don’t think you can just change your mind 6mo later and think that you can force her to move. You will need to go to court. I am telling you this because I want you to go to court. I mean I will fight for Miss. Daughter, but I want you to also fight for her in court and show her that you do care for her, even if I think that it is misplaced.

To remove Miss. Daughter from my home if she doesn’t want to go, you will need an Sherriff. That Sheriff would have to arrest Miss. Daughter to remove her if she doesn’t want to go. Which I don’t think they would do since she has an ID with my home as her residence. The other way she will be removed from my home is with a court order. So, I would encourage you to get a family law attorney and gather a case to present the judge. It is worth repeating that I WANT you two to go to court. Show Miss. Daughter that you care more than you just want to control.

Mr. Father & Ms. Stepmom Weasley, you are not allowed on the property of 8424 N Carson Ave, Kansas City, MO 64153. Consider yourselves notified. If you come on to my property I will have you arrested for trespassing. However, I will make an exception if you are accompanied by a Platte County Sherriff. Other than that, you are not permitted on to my property.

Additionally, you will not continue to threaten Miss. Daughter, causing her harm and mental anguish, with being pulled out of the home where she has established residency. If you continue then I will be the one to go to court and I will get a restraining order so that her Stepmom, Ms. Stepmom, will not be able to have any contact or text her. Step parents do not have any parental rights, so I am confident that Miss. Daughter would win that judgement.

So here we are. Miss. Daughter is staying with me if she chooses. You are not allowed on my property. Your only recourse is to go to court which will take more than 6mo and will not matter once she turns 18. I have asked Miss. Daughter to show me any of your texts that she feels comfortable sharing just so that I can make sure that you are not misleading nor manipulating her. However, I would just appreciate it if you included me on any of your texts to her.

Now that has been said, let’s go back to where you are minimally involved with her schooling and after high school planning. I said earlier to Ms. Stepmom that I would like you to come to the parent teacher conference so that you can hear an unbiased opinion about how Miss. Daughter is doing. I understand that Mr. Father does not have a 9 to 5 job, and I am happy to schedule a conference any other time that works for him. Otherwise here is an image of my schedule for the Parent Teacher conferences tonight 9/26/18. I hope to see you there.

Attachment: [Redacted]

Not your enemy

-Ryan

THEM to Us

From Ms. Stepmom:

I am sending this text to assure that you are aware of these stated facts I'm going to send you. I don't know if you're receiving school emails or monitoring Miss. Daughter ' grades, assignments, and attendance. We have received multiple notifications of her tardies, attendance, and missing assignments. The last time I checked she had 12 absences and 16 missing/late assignments. And then the email about her tardies that have taken place since the 2nd quarter has started(10/15). I know her annual IEP meeting is typically due around this time of year. I figured it may be good for you to be aware of these issues if you haven't already had the annual meeting.
I also received this text from Miss. Daughter awhile back and was wondering why your wife wants her to notify us of her absences since the last I heard from you, you stated it was none of our business if Miss. Daughter missed school or not.
Curious if you're ready to support us on getting Miss. Daughter the appropriate help transitioning into adulthood yet?
Please note that everything that I'm texting you is a fact, except for the last question that I'm asking you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Mr. Father & Ms. Stepmom Weasley

RE: IEP

The IEP is taken care of.

RE: Absence & Tardy

                I share your concern. Almost all her missed days are related to stomach problems. She tells me that her cramps are debilitating. I have asked her to try to go to school. I have also explained that an employer would not accept a reoccurring absence each month. She says that she understands, however the choice to go or not to go to school is a discipline that she needs to work on herself.

RE: Texts when Miss. Daughter is absent

                I was unaware that you no longer wanted to be updated when she does not go to school. I’ll let Miss. Daughter know that she doesn’t need to notify you when she stays home anymore.

Ms. Stepmom

Thanks for your message. I can appreciate your tone, and if you are willing to open back up our communication channels I would like to work on reconciling the relationship between You & Mr. Father and Miss. Daughter. Holidays are coming up and this seems like as good of a time as any to get you back together with Miss. Daughter. With just four months until she is turns 18 I was hoping that your relationship would have been somewhat reconciled by now, but I think we are still at the beginning of that healing process. Do you or Mr. Father have any desire to reconnect with Miss. Daughter? I’m sure text messages back and forth would be a good first step. Hopefully leading to phone calls. Then eventually, when Miss. Daughter is ready, all of you can have a meet. It could be at our house, your house, a Coffee shop, or even a restaurant. Let me know what you think, and I’ll approach Miss. Daughter with it, if you want me to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***END of MESSAGES***

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fast forward several months or so. We went through the holidays and Miss. Daughter never heard from her parents except for when she initiated the text conversation. Even then the replies were short to say the least.

Late March/Early April 2019 and Miss. Daughter has been going to lunches, dinners, afternoon activities with her parents. Sarah and I were pleased that they had opened their communication with her. They did not communicate with us, and Alexis did not talk about what her and her parents discussed.

4/5/19 – Miss. Daughter sits down with Sarah and me and tells us that she wants to go back and live with her parents. We begged and pleaded for her to wait. We asked her to go to Family Counseling to let a 3^rd party advise her about what to do. Our words fell on deaf ears, and in less than 24 hours she was gone. Her dog too.

4/12/19 – It’s been a week and we still have not heard from Miss. Daughter. We are heartbroken.

There is so much more that I would like to add to this, but I really wanted to show the unadulterated truth and not pervert the story. I didn't want to add my thoughts to every text and reply. My goal was to let their own texts do the talking with as little interjection from me as possible. If you made it to the end of this, Congratulations. We appreciate you caring about Miss. Daughter's story and we hope to continue the conversation with you in the comments. Subscribe to receive any updates to the story.

Cheers!

 -Ryan